So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
