theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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