I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
