i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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