Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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