the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
