it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Say something about gay babies.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
