she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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