I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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