i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
