Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
