He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
