i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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