I puked a lego.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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