apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
