Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
