THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I did not marry a roomba.
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