i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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