Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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