Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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