there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
