I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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