Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
