idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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