she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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