barbara walters just said penis...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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