the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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