This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
