so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
