he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
