U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
