My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
