dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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