Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he thought i was a dude.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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