Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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