if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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