just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
