he puts the penis in happiness.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
