I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
