Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
