he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
