ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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