is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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