I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
