Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
