I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
