it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
