Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I will pee on everything he values.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
