dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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