Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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