Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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