Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
