i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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