I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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