I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
